Bowl Cuts, Fashionable Pants and Gucci Handbags
by Rugrat247
Summary: Like the title, the contents within this are crazy random. A spoof of Act 3, Scene 5 from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. Fair Juliet's reminiscing of her oh-so-lemony night with Romeo is interrupted by some incredibly ghastly news. /Written for school./


For the last week of this school term, my English teacher asked my class to make up groups and select one scene from **_Romeo and Juliet_** to modernize and edit how we please, as long as we keep the basic plotline of the act. Well, we'll be practicing this tomorrow and the day after, then performing it to the class. I'm Capulet and will be putting on a voice similar to a Nazi's (no offense, but that's the best description for it). Y'know, like Marik's father's off of Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series. Heh, I'm the really dramatic one (and one of my besties, Lisa, is quite dramatic too), so I get all into the craziness and thus the disturbing voice. Lol. I was going to do Marik's, but decided the Nazi one will be funnier. Heh. Lily has been away since we started this, so we don't know if it'll be Storm or Lily that plays the nurse. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this.

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**CHARACTERS**

**Juliet (J):** Lisa**  
Capulet (C):** Laura**  
Lady Capulet (L):** Zoe**  
Nurse (N):** Storm _or_ Lily**  
Paris (P):** Storm

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**INTRO:** Hello there, everyone. We're doing Act 3, Scene 5 and you'll hopefully figure out the scene. Lisa is Juliet; Lady Capulet is Zoe; Storm is Nurse and Paris; and I'm Capulet. This is Juliet's room and, as you can see, it's actually pretty tidy, save for that desk over there. _[Gestures to teacher's desk.] _Enjoy our act.

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**PLAY:**

_Juliet's bedroom, where __**Juliet**__ and __**Nurse**__ are discussing last night._

J: So...Romeo came over last night.  
N: OMG. Really? What happened?  
J: Well—

_**Lady Capulet**__ bursts in._

L: Juliet, I have fantastic news.  
J: Really? Is the new Gucci handbag in?  
C: Uh, no...Your father has chosen a man for you!  
J: Who?

_**Capulet **bursts in._

C: Why, Paris, of course!  
J: Paris? Like...Paris, Paris? We're going to _Paris_?

_**Capulet**__ facepalms._

C: No, no.  
J: Paris Hilton?  
C: No.  
J: Paris...Paris...No, doesn't ring a bell.  
C: County Paris, you nut!  
J: County Paris?  
C: You know, the wealthy man with the fashionable haircut and colourful pants.  
J: You mean the guy with the bowl cut and disturbingly revealing stockings?  
C: Yes, yes! That's the one!  
J: Ew. No thank you!  
L: Juliet, don't be ridiculous. He's a lovely man, really.  
J: How?  
L: Well...he's very wealthy.  
J: And...  
L: And...wealthy?  
N: And let's not forget he still lives with his mum, speaks with a lisp and is HIV positive!  
C: Enough! Out, bad nurse! Go to your corner!

_**Nurse**__ sulks and sits in corner._

J: I'm not marrying him! He smells weird!  
C: Oh, stop it! You should consider yourself lucky.  
J: HOW? HOW AM I LUCKY?  
C: Because I was afraid no one would ever propose to you. I mean, you're not exactly the hottest chick on the block, Juliet.  
J: Oh, thanks! But _actually_ I'm already—

_**Nurse**__ leaps up and puts her hand over __**Juliet**__'s mouth._

N: She was about to say she was already...planning what dress she will be having!  
C: Then why couldn't she just tell me that herself?  
N: Because...it would spoil the surprise!  
C: Yes, yes. Whatever. Thursday next week you will marry him.

_**Lady Capulet**__ squeals excitedly. __**Paris**__ enters and __**Lady Capulet**__ squeals again. __**Paris**__ wiggles his eyebrows at __**Juliet**__; she recoils in disgust._

C: Juliet, that is not ladylike behaviour!  
P: Doesn't bother me... _[E__yebrow waggles again.]  
_C: It _should_ bother you. I mean, don't make women control your life. _[Gestures to self.] _Take an example from—  
L: Shut up, honey.  
C: Okay, sweetie. Now, Juliet. I was going to ask: Are you going to marry this man or not? _[Capulet points to nose picking Paris.]  
_J: Not.  
C: Do I have to put you in the naughty corner too?  
J: Make me!  
C: Rooaaaarrr. You ungrateful, little wench! Girl, you will marry Paris tomorrow even if I have to drag you there myself!

_**Capulet**__ throws __**Juliet**__ into the naughty corner with __**Nurse**__._

C: I'm so angry I could turn into the incredible hulk! Quick, honey! Get my meds!

_**Capulet**__ and __**Lady Capulet**__ leave. __**Paris**__ follows with a creepy grin and looks back at __**Juliet**__, then leaves. __**Juliet**__ stares hopelessly at the floor._

N: Cheer up, deary. I'm sure he's not really HIV positive.

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I hope this made you snicker, at least. Please review and wish us luck for our performance on Friday, which is the last day of the term two! Two more terms of school after this term!


End file.
